News

Interesting situation here:
I'm sitting here at the computer, shivering (fever?), comPLEtely brain dead (uhhh), and I'll probably tell you all this at school, but um. Well.
*shrug* Coach is bringing Kailey, Fiona, and I to play varsity on Friday at Prescott. *cough* Varsity.
Yeah.
My mom freaked when she found out (in a good way, then in a bad way when I accidentally almost clipped another car while I was driving) and my dad congratulated me.

As for my honest opinion on this...I'm not supposed to say.
So yeah. Anyway. Just thought you should know.
ApprarentlyI'm not as bad at basketball as I thought. Weird.

I!am!so!cold!

I'm "getting down with the sickness"

Yesterday was a rough day.
Today was a "tired, I'm-getting-sick: oh-me-oh-my" day.

Yeah. Fever? Possibly. Throat hurts? A lot. Body aches? Yes. Chills? Yes.
Homework to do?? Yes. Darn.

Oh, and here's the deep thought of the day, coming up. It only took hours and hours of soul searching, which we all know is incredibly easy.

Somehow, somehow I've managed to convince myself that
1. I don't deserve happiness.
And 2. I'm worthless/not lovable.
No (NO!) I'm not breaking down, I don't think that now...I just realized that that is what my brain has been telling me for a long time, and it stuck. So now that I know what these main issues (with others falling as subcategories) I can get over it.
Umm...what's the word...YAY!
Okay I better get my work done if I plan to go to school tomorrow.

Camra crAzee!

I went on a walk today. And went camera-ca-RA-zy. So yeah. Yay!

And make sure to read the post below this. I'd like to know what some of you think about it.

I'm not angry...just...um...

"Just be yourself."

What in tarnation does THAT mean?
What if you were told that you'd changed, and the "new you" was not as liked as the old you?
Um...yeah. Ouch. "Being myself" was the purpose of a few conversations and was told to me afterwards as advice when I complained about it. Funny.

If you were told you were changing into someone else, you were all sappy all the time, you were latching onto someone like they were a "freaking" life support system, the real you is disappearing, you only talk about someone, you're acting like a little girl...
...and all this is told to you to help you.

*shrug*

I don't know. Do I act like that much of an idiot? Am I that different all of a sudden?

Sorry guys. I know this post sounds bitter and pessimistic, but I'll admit, I'm kind of hurt.
And I'll get over it, so don't worry...I just had to vent a little bit.

PS Please don't talk about this outside our little blog circle. Thanks.

Read this <--reverse psychology

I escaped Inferno today (basketball practice).

And then I came home and thought of two things to rant about.

So I'm about to go all stream of consciousness concerning these two subjects. Ready.Set.Go.

I am a people-pleaser. Meaning I will do everything I can so that everyone else is happy.

And I just wrote a bunch of other stuff about that but I just "bah-leted" it because it was stupid.

Aaaaaaanyway...shoot. What was my other thing? ah-HA!!

Unrequited feelings. They absolutely drive me nuts. They're everywhere.

What do you say? What do you do? What if you have someone professing their love to you, claiming it as undying and vowing that no one else loves you like they do- they love you more than anyone would/does? How do you deal with that?

"Umm...okay...?" Now what?

I bet it'd be especially awkward if you liked someone else.

Yeah. Any advice? You guys are guys, maybe you'd know. Or maybe not. This is purely theoretical, after all.

Ahem.

P.S. To all dealing with my weirdness, I apologize for my random mood swings.

Yeah. Sorry. *unsure attempt at smile*

..>>Pfft. What a lame post. Catch you guys later. Homework time!

This is what happens when you have no idea what to say.
There I am, standing in the trees.
The song I'm listening to right now fits my mood perfectly
or maybe its creating my mood. And ironically its called "Icy Waters"

I feel lonely. And tired.
And I really want to go get dressed up and do something,
but I don't know if I can.

I had a really good evening yesterday though. *smiles*

You never know.

There is a possibility of a large deep post coming up.
Then again, there is also the possibility I won't have time to write it then post it, or that I'll change my mind about doing some major major soul spillage.
Yeah.
You just never know.

Okay. Insights today, then some deep thinking and writing. Maybe.

"I've got a garden of songs where I grow all my thoughts, wish I could harvest one or two for some small talk, seems like I'm starving for words when you're around, nothing on my tongue and so much in the ground.
See the little song bird unable to make a sound, you never know she follows her words from town to town- we both got gardens of songs , maybe its okay, that I am speechless 'cause I picked you this bouquet."
I love Ani Difranco's lyrics. They're all different and creative. She's a folk singer with a LOT of CDs, in case you didn't know.

Okay. I'll see you fish on the flip flop LATE-uh, as my sister would say.
PS I HATE fish.

Happy Happy New Year!

It's a new year! Yay! A chance to start over, to change things...and I'm going to look at this new year as a huge opportunity for...good things.
And here are my New Year's Resolutions:
~ Intensify spiritual life
~ Treat everyone with love and respect
~ Positive attitude always
~ Continue/strengthen close friendships
~ 100% effort in everything I do
~ Lose weight
~ Stop being so insecure

Cha. And then some.
I can't be-LIEVE that school starts again tomorrow. I'm doing my best not to think about it because I know that if I do, I'll combust. But it's like this cloud hovering over everything. As is the basketball game tomorrow, which I'm not ready for and for which I have no sub, so my poor ankle and I are pretty screwed.
But, uh...it'll be great! Because I'll get to see everyone again. Yeah. That's cool.
I finally watched Supersize Me. And, wow, I officially hate fast food chains. Good thing my parents didn't raise my family to eat fast food. We hardly ever eat out, and when we do, its definitely NOT McDonald's. Thank goodness.
I got up this morning at around 9 (but considering I was up until 12:30am, I was/am still pretty tired- my eyes hurt!-) and the 'rents almost left without me to go to church but I stopped them. So I was happy because I got to start off the new year by going to Mass.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! May the Lord bless you and keep you..and the rest of that blessing from the first reading of today. Yeah. Lovelovelove.