I'm "getting down with the sickness"
Yesterday was a rough day.
Today was a "tired, I'm-getting-sick: oh-me-oh-my" day.
Yeah. Fever? Possibly. Throat hurts? A lot. Body aches? Yes. Chills? Yes.
Homework to do?? Yes. Darn.
Oh, and here's the deep thought of the day, coming up. It only took hours and hours of soul searching, which we all know is incredibly easy.
Somehow, somehow I've managed to convince myself that
1. I don't deserve happiness.
And 2. I'm worthless/not lovable.
No (NO!) I'm not breaking down, I don't think that now...I just realized that that is what my brain has been telling me for a long time, and it stuck. So now that I know what these main issues (with others falling as subcategories) I can get over it.
Umm...what's the word...YAY!
Okay I better get my work done if I plan to go to school tomorrow.
Today was a "tired, I'm-getting-sick: oh-me-oh-my" day.
Yeah. Fever? Possibly. Throat hurts? A lot. Body aches? Yes. Chills? Yes.
Homework to do?? Yes. Darn.
Oh, and here's the deep thought of the day, coming up. It only took hours and hours of soul searching, which we all know is incredibly easy.
Somehow, somehow I've managed to convince myself that
1. I don't deserve happiness.
And 2. I'm worthless/not lovable.
No (NO!) I'm not breaking down, I don't think that now...I just realized that that is what my brain has been telling me for a long time, and it stuck. So now that I know what these main issues (with others falling as subcategories) I can get over it.
Umm...what's the word...YAY!
Okay I better get my work done if I plan to go to school tomorrow.
posted by Victoria | 6:45 PM
4 Comments:
Hang in there kid! Sounds like you need some sleep first of all!
And secondly, take some time to just listen for God. You are human, ergo you are loved, even if it doesn't feel like it at school or at home.
Chin up!
I can think of several contradictions to both convincementsnessismthings. I will now send you an email. You will READ this email.
Bwwaaaaaah...
I'm glad you figured this out, because on account of* both those misconceptions of yours are STUPID! It truly boggles me that you managed to get those ideas into your head. Then again, we all boggle each other, don't we?
'Kay, I'm not really making sense any more.
Olive juice, #10!
*This, by the way, is Junie B. Jones-speak.
This is will, and no, I still do not know my password.
From your symptoms, it sounds like you have a fever. Get some rest. Don't worry about what you thought about yourself. I can tell you honestly that I have thought the same thoughts and said the same words (verbatim too). This is the crippeling disease of depression and it will pass in time. What you need to combat it is somthing to love; when you love somthing or someone, the thought of the now lessens at the prospect of a brighter future that contains this thing or person that you love. It has gotten me through so far.
Will
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