My last creative bursts of energy were indeed successful. And thus, I am officially retired.
Hooray!

Early AM Post

Despite/disregarding the fact that it is approximately 12:08am, I am going to do a quick, random post.
Still housesitting. Just watched "The Notebook" with my little sister. Ever have that strange feeling after watching or reading something where it's this...I don't know...this weird hazy, existential feeling? Like right now, I feel kind of out of it, like I'm viewing everything from the outside, and nothing can touch me or worry me. It's very odd. Was it the movie? I don't know.
Note: Funny how crying can be such a release. No, I did not cry because of personal issues...the movie made me do it! But it felt nice to just cry, you know? A bittersweet release...I guess it's just another way to let out your emotions (: through your eyeballs. Interesting...).
Oh. I just suddenly thought of something else to write that just popped into my head. It's interesting (need a new adjective) how nice it is to be able to trust and depend on something or someone. And it's difficult when you lose that something/someone. But the comfort- that's what everyone wants- they want to be able to know for certain that someone will always be there for them, or will write them back or call them or listen to them... whatever. People want security. One consquence is that this need leads young girls to desperately search for the wrong kind of attention or try to keep security by debasing themselves- darn. In truth, humans are more fragile than we think. Perhaps deep down all everyone wants is to be truly loved and cared for by someone they can count on.
Anyway, I'm in desperate need of sleep. Oh shoot. And my throat just started hurting. Can't!Get!Sick!
This strange post that has no structure can be fully excused by my recent sleep deprivation, the time that I'm posting, and...um...ah-HA!- the fact that this blog is indeed simply a "stream-of-consciousness.'

No subject.

I was going to post and then I changed my mind.

So today...

So today was very long and busy. Well, probably not as busy compared to others' days, but still. I'm exhausted. I visited a friend from middle school I hadn't seen in ages, and I'm so glad I did. She's so amazingly beautiful- WOW. Absotively posilutely gorgeous. I told her that, but she's female, so she doesn't truly believe me. But still. Anyway, she just had her heart wrenched out and stomped on as well, so we had a good time talking. We both came to interesting conclusions about ourselves. For example, we both have a huge fear of unrequited feelings and relationships being one-way (thanks to a certain boy in both our pasts), we both give and give and give- we're both extremely loving and affectionate and are waiting for that someone who will actually like that about us, she had several shallow relationships that she ended to subconsciously contribute to her feeling of control and to increase her self-esteem (which didn't really work), we both think its our fault, by being so loving, that our relationships ended, we both have a fear of appearing too needy or desperate, and thus dig ourselves into deeper holes trying to apologize for it...
We pretty much did nothing but talk, which I did not object to at all. Better than sitting around watching a movie and not catching up.

I've renewed several old friendships, actually. Anjali called me, Nick commented me (that was weird and very random), and my old friend David (not the one from school) and I are emailing again like we did way back when. It's pretty cool.

My dad is still being lame about who I spend time with. I swear, if I wanted to spend a ton of time with other friends he wouldn't mind, but specific people...no way. "You can't live there all summer!" Gr. He's just jealous. Wait...I was going to tell James this revelation and I can't remember if I already did. Darn. Wait, yes I did. Anyway, so that's lame, because then I have to regulate how often I see certain pals.

I was on myspace (blegh) and I was looking at my pictures I'd posted a long time ago. It made me sad, because I was so much skinnier then, yet so incredibly insecure (you think now is bad). So now I'm not even near that skinny, yet I've gained confidence, but looking at old pictures makes my self-esteem plummet. Now I have to motivate myself to diet, which is incredibly annoying because I have no self-control.
Being female sucks sometimes. Guys can look like whatever they want and it doesn't matter, but girls, no. They have to be perfect and thin and wear makeup and crud like that. Pressure, pressure.

I think I'll just...go to bed. Seeing as its 11pm, that's a good idea.
Hey I sliced my hand open today while I was helping my sister move to her apartment. Darn couch. Ouch. [rhyme!] I'm pretty proud of it though- hooray for battle wounds.

Brownie points for whoever actually read through all of this. :) I appreciate you.

It's time to taste freedom.

Good day!

I had a good day, guys. Heh heh. Oh yes. I did.
Why:
-Finished horrendous cum worksheet in Algebra
-Didn't do anything in Spanish
-Gave a freaking good presentation in history with an outstanding smart group of friends (we got an A as our group grade)
-My history teacher said that though my term paper wasn't perfect, it was pretty good
-It's been muggy and I can hear the thunder (unfortunately I can't just stay up all night and watch the storm).
-I got to go on a run/jog/walk/die-of-an-asthma-attack (kidding!) after it rained (missed the rain. Darn).
-I kept a positive attitude
-I'm over it (I think)
-I was asked by several people to stay in for lunch and help study for a chemistry test (I hope they passed).
-Ummm I got to sign yearbooks
-I finished all my homework
-There's three days left

Anything else? Oh yeah...
-Acted like a nerd in the hallway ("Only step on the colored tiles, Laura! Woohoo!")
-Acted like a nerd with Laura after school, rode while Laura drove James car, hid in the short bus
-Played amazingly fun improv games in Performing Arts.

Wow, I'm just chock full of reasons, aren't I? This is good, guys, this is good.

On a negative note, don't expect deep things from everyone in yearbooks, and don't expect long emails from guys, and don't expect yourself not to be tired after staying up late posting or cleaning your room.
10pm? This is outrageous.

Good day. Good night. Good tomorrow. :)

Ooooh. *shiver of delight* thunder.

I'm going to make these last 4 days of school the best in my high school career so far.
And that's that.

I've made some new friends over the past few weeks. They are girls I previously couldn't really stand, but now, after writing notes back and forth, and talking when softball was still going, we've become close. And I finally hung out with them, to, I'm sure, many people's surpise and maybe even some people's disappointment or disapproval. But I really don't care, because I like these girls, and they like me, and we can talk to each other about everything. It's actually a breaking of the clique-ish barrier in my class. Our class is pretty much divided in half, with a few people who wander from between groups. These two girls are in the other group of the class, so when I mentioned that I was going to hang out with them, I got several eyebrow raises. And another girl texted "Victoria? That's cool..." to these girls when they said they were with me.
Points for non-conformity. Heh. Hopefully during summer we can continue spending time together. It's nice having more friends who are female (no offense, gentlemen).

My mom asked me today if I had a best friend. I said, honestly, that I have several really really close friends, but not really that one special best friend that I'd choose above all others. Which, I think, is fine, maybe even better than having one best friend.

Okay. Dinner. Yeah, this post was random and...yeah.