Underneath a mostly calm disposition:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ARGHHHHHHH! EEEEEIIIIAHHHH!

STRESS!!!!!

Voy a explosionar! (Guess what that means).

End of the Week

Approximately 4:57pm, Saturday. Softball games over (we played well, though we lost).

This week has been....well, a challenge, to say the least. I am seriously exhausted, both mentally and physically and emotionally. There were so many times during the week when I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep. Or cry. Or yell. The rollercoaster ride of emotions was absolutely draining.

And then I got grounded. So I can't look forward to unwinding next weekend with anyone except myself. Lovely.

I want to watch a movie, but Antonio popped in some weird animated movie that I don't want to watch!
Ah-HA! A walk! And then bed super early!

By the way, I loathe homework. Abhor. *insert similar synonym here*

I wonder if it's possible to rejuventate/renew oneself in a day and a third or so. In between homework of course. One can hope so, yes?

I did this, and then that, and that...

I watched "You Got Mail" for the first time in several years tonight. Absolutely darling. But you guys would hate it because it's a wonderful romantic chick flick. Pfft.
I wanted to go on a walk today and write in my journal, by my thoughts are jumbled and I never had the opportunity to go outside.
I pitched almost a whole game in softball, walked only two or three girls (woah) and struck out two (I don't even know how to pitch correctly- how did that happen? I just lobbed it into the right spot. And my arm is sore.), and caught a pop fly in center field and another as pitcher. Oh yeah, and I got pegged (or beaned, as my coach would say) by the other team's pitcher while I was up to bat. Woo-hoo!
I drove to and from softball without my license (I spaced it. What else is new?) and illegally drove my brother and his friend to his friend's house.
I dug my friend's cell phone and antenna out of the washing machine (that was fun), then promptly shut my mouth after she put her phone in the microwave to get rid of the water (bad advice on my brother's friend's part) and got ticked when it destroyed her phone even more. She left in a rage; I felt pretty bad. So much for fun at my house.
I had a movie night last night with three people I invited (and my brother's friend). Three. It was supposed to be little, but not that little. Oh well. It was fun anyway.

I have had the word "juxtapose" stuck in my head all day. Or, all afternoon, actually. Weird, huh? I was just sitting at my desk saying "hmmm...juxtapose..." until my brother's friend grabbed a dictionary and looked it up. It means "side by side" or a "unexpected combination of colors, shapes, and/or ideas."
I think its a cool word, fun to say at least.
And every single starting sentence has started with "I." How selfish of me. Except this is a blog, so it should be about me..or my thoughts. And it's pretty much one-way anyway most of the time (though I thank a select few for the comments *grin*).

Blah blah. Church tomorrow. Homework. Walk? Babysit for service hours. Heck yes.
My thoughts are still jumbled. What am I thinking?

I need someone to smack me over the head, push me into a wall, and yell

SUCK IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*deep breath*

Whew. I'd be much obliged.

Wait- I'm going to softball practice. They have bats there. Perfect.

Why exactly?

Don't you hate those random moods when everything looks bleak?

I am currently being plagued by pessimism, and why exactly? I have a party to go to, my girl friend is over hanging out, I'm driving myself to softball practice, the sun is shining brilliantly (and blindingly).... nothing really is bleak.

School tomorrow. I'm not ready to go back. I liked not having to stress out- stress has been such an everyday, constant thing for me, and it was nice to have a break. I have to push through these last few months of school...and OOPS! I find myself doing that whole "living for summer" thing. No! I have to live every day because it's a special gift and I can't waste my life living for the weekends or a three month vacation!
AHHHHHHHHH!

Lawd haave mercy (southern accent there).

Steel Magnolias is a very good movie.

I need to vent, but I don't know what to say. I have to go to softball soon. I have a big job in the kitchen.
blegh. I can't wait until I get over this.

Easter Sunday

It's approximately 59 minutes until Easter, but I doubt I can get online tomorrow, so I'm going to post this now instead of possibly never. Ahem...

ALLELUIA!!!! HE IS RISEN!!!! HOO-RAH!

Pardon my hoo-rah mixed in with the religious words, but I couldn't help it. Heck yes for salvation.

EASTER!!!!

Good Friday

"Yet it was our infirmities that he bore, our sufferings that he endured,

while we thought of him as stricken, as one smitten by God and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our offenses, crushed for our sins;

upon him was the chastisement that makes us whole;

by his stripes we were healed." Isaiah 53:4-5

Good Friday. Why is the day our Lord was beaten and wounded and crucified called "Good"? I can answer that question in a few of my favorite -tion words: salvation, redemption, resurrection...

When you really think about it, which I think more people, and I myself, need to do, Jesus' Passion is an incredible thing. Absolutely amazing. Jesus suffers immensely and dies a horrible death...because he loves us.

I don't know...but it actually makes me want to cry. What greater love is there than this?

And the story of the Passion begins with pain and agony, and ends in absolute triumph. Like Psalm 22. It begins with sorrow:

"My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why so far from my cry for help, from my cries of anguish? My God, I call by day, but you do not answer; by night, but I have no relief."

And ends in victory:

"All the ends of the earth will worship and turn to the Lord; all the families of nations will bow low before you.

For kingship belongs to the Lord, the ruler over the nations.

All who sleep in the earth will bow low before God; All who have gone down into the dust will kneel in homage.

And I will live for the Lord; my descendants will serve you.

The generation to come will be told of the Lord, that they may proclaim to a people yet unborn

the deliverance you have brought."

And now we await his Resurrection, our hope for eternal salvation. Amen.

Random Topics

Okay so I have several random topics I might as well talk about, since there's nothing else to do online.
1) I loathe shorts with all my being. Actually I don't. I just loathe myself in them. Sick. Gahhhhhh!!!!!!! I tried to find a pair today, and I lost about half of any self-esteem I had while I failed miserably in my search. Except for a pair of long plaid ones. But even I can barely pull those off. Gahhhhh!!!!! (PS I'm just being honest with how I'm feeling here, guys.)
2) About makeup, and how it screws girls over. Okay, so you have a nice looking girl who doesn't wear makeup, and she's fine with it. Then, she gets some makeup. Yeah, she's all psyched to wear it and make herself look a little prettier for a special event. She sees herself with it on and likes what she sees. She decides to wear it more often. Soon she finds it harder to not wear it- she doesn't look as good without it. It doesn't take long before applying makeup is routine. When another special event comes up, she has to wear even more to "look prettier." Then the cycle continues. On and on and on. Until she can't stand seeing herself, or others seeing her, without her makeup. She thinks she's ugly without it.
And that's exactly what happens. The other day, I was talking with someone about makeup, and how I probably couldn't not wear any if I was around other people. Afterwards, I realized how I was falling (fell?) into the trap, so I dared myself to not wear any the next day when I saw that same someone again. I put on a microscopic amount (seriously) in a second (literally) of weakness, but nonetheless, I was proud of myself, though I did feel inadequate. It was frightening, but I did it.
3) Tomorrow morning is my drive test. We'll see what happens. I wish I could go to Mass beforehand, but the drive's at 8:45am and I have to go early to practice backing around a corner and parallel parking. I'm excited, in a sickly nervous way. God's will be done.
4) The kids are watching TV. YUCK!!! to the nth degree.

Shoot. I have a translation to do for my dad for his work. Doesn't ASAP mean 'do it when you have a chance' ??? Juuust kidding.
oh! 5) I went to Adoration the other day, on Friday. I loved it. Oh. man. It was wonderful.

Okay, gotta go.