Its 11:11pm! (And I know I post like crazy)
James, I would've called you- my family actually celebrated my birthday tonight.
Just to be materialistic, I got
- Three movies [(The Wedding Planner, A Walk to Remember, and Wimbledon)-why do they all begin with "W" and yes, they're all chick flicks. Give me a break, I'm a girl)].
- A CD [(The Fray- How to Save a Life)- I've had it for one day and I already like it a lot].
- $30 from my Aunt Dianne
- And *drumroll* AN IPOD!
About this iPod of mine, it almost makes me sad not to be able to say, "Well I'm not like you guys because I don't have one!" AKA My conformity saddens me. But oh well, I'll love to be able to make playlists for my moods and such. And then I'll lend it to those who don't have one (James!) so they can hear my music. That'll be interesting for them.
So why am I up so late when we had hardly any homework? It's called "my sister kidnapped me and I helped her with moving the rest of her stuff into storage. Got home at around 8, party, started homework at around 9:20, fell asleep in front of the computer while researching Magic Twenties, decided to post (AGAIN)."
Maybe I should take a break like Yvonne. I'm pretty much (okay, not quite) doing the same thing as her. I had to fight off rumors today that she was suspended. People can be so immature about things- they just make something up and spread it around.
I got a huge compliment today from like three people saying I was a good influence in their lives. I don't know if its true...but I JUST REMEMBERED A DEEP THOUGHT THAT I WAS GOING TO POST ABOUT!
Stargirl, stargirl. The quintessence, the epitome, the ultimate embodiment of nonconformity. She loved everyone, she did everything for everyone. She was sweet, selfless, and wonderful. And I want to be like that. I want people to think of me as that girl who did everything she could to make everyone around her happy. (None of this is to be arrogant- these are my goals). Now, granted, I will not come to school wearing long prairie dresses and learn to play the ukelele, but I will strive to make everyone feel loved and appreciated, because they are, and some of them don't know it.
I have such high expectations of myself. It makes me wonder whether or not they're too high- or even unreachable. Maybe I hope to gain perfection. I need to pray more, I need to purify myself. I need to stop letting animalistic inclinations get the best of me. I need to be like Stargirl, and like Jamie in A Walk to Remember. She's another good example.
Uh oh, Randy. I posted too long a post- now no one will read it.
Excited for trick-or-treating with Jaime and his family tomorrow. Curious how I was told I gave off a good aura today- I must have faked it rather well, seeing as I was tired and just a little downtrodden. Of course, lunchtime with "my peeps" makes everything better, actually. No, guys, I'm serious. I feel the most confident and most myself when I'm with you guys. BIG DEAL too.
Okay, that's enough. I went too far with this post. Later, chicos.
PS I'M SIXTEEN! I'M SIXTEEN! I'M SIXTEEN! I'M SIXTEEN! I'M SIXTEEN! I'M SIXTEEN! I'M SIXTEEN! phew.
posted by Victoria | 11:18 PM
8 Comments:
Congrats on your birthday!
You're not sixteen.
That's what your parents want you to think.
I just wanted to say that your "looks" are like the songs on a great album: some are better than others, but all of them are really good.
Also wanted to say that I did mean the compliment I said to you in your book. I know sometimes i give people joking compliments that are funny because they're so obviously untrue. Its hard to make a joke out of complimenting you though because I mean everyone i say, and can't help but mean everyone I say. Like Mark Twain said "When you tell the truth, you don;t have to remember anything." I don't have to be creative to compliment you. I don't have to walk around words to avoid lying. I just tell the truth and there is nothing easier. I know that you say that you say you are insecure, so I know it would be insensitive of me to just go and give you joking compliments and confuse your self-image. maybe I shouldn't do that to anyone, because i wouldn't want to be treated that way.
And I bet the other two people (only remember me and james at lunch, must have missed third) meant it as well, because they say it when you're not there as well, and they're not ones to lie for entertainment.
Also, wanted to say that I'm sorry for my role in spreading the suspension rumors. Heard it from either Chris or Jay in math class, and wanted to find out its validity in Spanish. I meant no harm!!
And, I feel much more confident and much more myself around you as well (assuming I am include in that group). I've had many girls tell me how funny I am, but you are one of only a few who appreciate me for more than that. Believe me, you don't want to be the person that everybody commments about how funny you are, but you never hear a compliment like "he's profound or nice." You really don't. i want to be much more and be appreciated for much more than my charm.
When I talk about the types of things i say around you to people in my grade, they usually don't care. Myself is profound (or at least attempts to be) but I can't try those deep thoughts around other people. I also think about the things Isay to you that you find funny, and I think if I told those things to people in my class they wouldn't laugh at it. I hate how I tailor my different personas to different people. I don't want to try a sense of humor that isn't mine, or talk about shallow matters I have relatively little interest in, just because I am around a certain group of people. Yes, yes, yes for anticonformism ,and yes, yes, yes for being myself around you.
As I said at the end of my Huck Finn essay, Huck Finn's fortitude to stand up against strongly rooted beliefs of racial superiority and the courage to go against popular morals for what he thinks is right and wrong, make him someone that people of all ages should try to be a little more like. Very fun concept to talk about.
I wanted to konow what you "meant by animalistic inclinations." I hope you don't mean it in the way a guy would probably mean it. Also wanted to know what you meant when you said "...was sweet, selfless, and wonderful. I want to be like that." All three of those adjectives describe you. You ARE like that!!
And by the way, you can call me (or tell me in person)(I know, a girl call a guy's house, what a radical concept!) anytime you feel "downtrodden" or sad. I like to make people feel better,and it feels like it's most worth my enrgy when it goes toward making you feel better (and seeing you smile, yes) . Seriously!!!!!
No posts in three days. Gosh. i am so disappointed. I couldn't wait to get home today after everyone at school was in a bad mood, and read a new post from Ryan, Chris, James, Will, Randy, etc. PLEASE!!! I MUST SEE A NEW
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